The unwanted visits

06Jul08

Strange things have been happening. I could swear that there’s someone else present in the house. I find things out of place sometimes, wet towels, unwashed dishes, strewn papers… inexplicably open cupboards and misplaced books. Why only the other day when I was having a bath, I heard a voice from the bedroom. I turned off the water and the voice was still there. I could listen clearly… it was speaking rapidly… complaining about the choking of the sink in the bathroom. And then it hit me that my bathroom had been choking for some time. I opened the door and tiptoed into the bedroom, only to find it empty. It’s weird.

I wake up at night to find the fridge door open or the lights on. Sometimes, the TV’s on too. Is somebody actually there in the house apart from me? Like some guy who uses it as a natural shelter or something. Maybe he uses it to come in or go out just like that underground guy in that movie Real Genius.

When I was in school I’d read a novel, the name of which escapes me, about how a guy would come home to find it all upside down… someone would be messing his things around. He thought, in a manner so typical of these unbelievably unreal characters, that one of the paintings on his walls was a portal of some kind that led visitors to his apartment. But later it was revealed that his landlady had a set of duplicates and used to let herself in in his absence. It was fun reading that novel, but this is no fun. At least for me. Is it the same case with me? Does someone have the keys to my flat? The portal thing can’t be true though because I’ve no paintings hanging around. Can they come in through posters as well? Can the bedroom Dostoevsky or the drawing room Bob Dylan be the culprit?

I am running scared now… insecure in my own house. I get a cold sweat everytime the power goes out or noises outside die down. Nights are sleepless. Living in consant fear can drive a man insane. It’s happened before. I’ve actually checked it out over the inernet. My neighbour is of no help now. He’s almost turned into a vegetable now… fit for a vile purposeless death, almost obscene. Talking to one of my friends I got to know that he felt the same way as me regarding powerful forces that sweep over the personality, for sometime blurting it out, manifesting themselves in all their destructiveness. He has this urge just like me to burn the house down, to exorcise the ghosts… both of us are tired of being on the run. To get a control on your life sometimes you have to let go of everything. To let go is to gain control… to reclaim your right, you have to relinquish your thought.

I’m sleeping with a knife under my pillow since a couple of days just in case. If the unseen visitors ever decide to jump me at least I’ll be ready. I spend time in the office thinking up all day to do things in the night, so that I don’t sleep anymore than I absolutely have to. It’s tiring me out though. I sleep at work sometimes. I can’t help it. It’s just like in Fightclub, where everything seems to be a copy of a copy of a copy. When I go up the sairs to the apartment, I wonder if I’d really find someone inside. As I pass my neighbour’s flat, I’m tempted to put a knife into him, slicing him up like a vegetable. He’s decaying from the inside, rotting up, gathering vermins. It’s disconcerting to see a man crumble so easily and so rapidly. I need to get rid of him.

I keep putting things in their places only to find them somehow displaced, like someone used them and forgot to put them back in their places, carelessly let them be. Is this a joke of some kind? If it is, I don’t get it. It’s with much effort that I keep myself awake, setting up alarms and putting the timer on the TV. I’ve even arranged for wakeup calls. How long can a man go without sleep? Has it been tested? Should I just change the locks and see? I’m highly disoriented and off the track right now. I feel as if something is growing behind, under and inside me, waiting to take over, or already taking over slowly. Maybe I’ll wait one more day before doing something.

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Tags: Life, Fear, Scared, Insomnia, Sleeplessness, Danger, Risks, Vistors, Nights, Loathing, Paranoia, Strange