Fishing in dark waters

24Apr08

I bunked office yesterday. There was no particular reason to do so, but there was no reason not to do it either.

I guess I was just tired of the everyday ritual. I needed a break. Routine makes one a zombie. All the windows of thought are locked, power of reasoning shut out. The comfort of a routined life can be stifling at times, to the extent of despair.

I finished a book, started another; watched a movie, saw another. It was different.

As the day passed on, I felt nostalgic. I felt like I’d in my school days. I thought of my friends who were at school having fun, talking to each other, getting punished by the teachers, jostling each other during the assembly, sustaining bruises while playing in the field, copying the lessons from another’s notebook, returning home walking together. I felt left out. Escape from punishment never had been reason enough the bunk classes after the first couple of times. I wanted to be at school even when I was sick. I felt exactly like that yesterday. I think I won’t bunk work for a long time to come.

A Map of the World is Jane Hamilton’s second work I believe. Reading it made me feel sorry for being a human, for being able to reason, for being susceptible to emotions. The emotional impact that the book led me to hurts badly, still makes me shudder. The realisation that seemingly inconsequential moments can alter lives forever makes it dreadful. Once this awareness creeps in, all goes downhill from there. The tone is comparable to Atonement the story of which took place in a different time, at a different place.

The search for authenticity in everyday life takes its toll, the burden grows through daily unseen struggles which eventually tire one out. The paradox of a married life, the ambiguous loyalties and the cruel definition of love can make one fall apart.

Being alone at home after a long time, I had this terrible urge to do it. I refrained. Instead I asked someone else to take refuge in writing about it. It helps. Sometimes.

While watching the epic western, Once Upon a Time in the West, I wondered how Sergio Leone ever thought of taking so wide an angle so as to sweep the entire landscape with minimum effort and still managed to bring out the rawness through intensely shot close ups.

Life needs to be seen in an unbroken spell of minute closeup, the only problem being the lack of a live camera.

Filed under: Books, Boredom, Crap, Experiences, General, Insanity, Longings, Movies, Nostalgia, The Dark Side, Work   |  
Tags: A Map of the World, Break, Despair, Jane Hamilton, Life, Once upon a time in the West, Routine, Sergio Leone